Breaking Through the Pain
by Canon Archives
Summary: Hidden World Spoilers! Hiccup needs to find joy again after losing his everything, and a certain blonde warrior has the magical ability to save him. (ch. 3 includes the kids!)
1. Chapter 1

**Hi all! If you have not read my short aftermath story, "What Friends are For," please do so! You don't need to have read it to read this, but they kind of go together so you can just read both! This is just sort of an extension of the Hiccstrid stuff I was playing with in that fanfic. I've never really written Hiccstrid before, so please go easy on me.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own How to Train Your Dragon.**

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In the first week after he – _they_ – left, Hiccup was experiencing so many negative emotions – grief, helplessness, guilt, loss, abandonment, regret, misery, fear, frustration, _anger_, pain, and just plain sadness. All of these feelings built up inside him and threatened to overwhelm him all at once. It sat so heavily on his heart that, after the first day, he looked to the best coping mechanism available.

Work.

Work work work work work. It was the only thing saving him from thinking about recent events, and preventing the horrible emotions from overpowering him. He never thought he would see the day that he felt _grateful_ to be Chief, but _thank Thor_ he was Chief! All day, every day, there were problems that needed to be addressed and people asking questions and construction being done for the new village. It gave him hardly any time for his mind to wander, which is exactly what he needed. It was like a blessing.

Night was the worst. People would go to sleep at night time, and there came a point after dinner that he would have a moment with nothing to do. Those devastating emotions would creep up and attempt to suffocate him as his thoughts strayed – _dread_ was the best way to describe it. Hiccup would never even _try_ to sleep. Instead, he would work in the new blacksmith shop on something – _anything – _that could keep his mind focused and not thinking.

People sometimes tried to surface his emotions – namely _Astrid_. He tended to avoid her in that first week. 'Do you want to talk about it' was a phrase he _did not want to hear_. A part of him felt bad about it. He had never avoided an Astrid pep talk before, _ever_. Subconsciously he knew that _probably_ it would help – Astrid's pep talks always helped – but he was just not ready to face any of the horrible feelings building up inside of him.

His mother had tried to pry a little, but more often she would just send him concerned, sympathetic looks. She was still mourning in her own way, as was everyone, really. Gobber did not push him to talk, but seemed to be spending a lot more time accompanying him places. Hiccup wondered if the old blacksmith was worried about leaving him alone for too long. Whatever the reason, the Chief was glad to have the distraction of another person around as he got work done. He also just liked having someone confirming and backing his decisions.

Tuffnut was an irritant. Hiccup's "best friend" didn't tip toe at all. One time the Thorston twin yanked the Chief away from the Great Hall construction and placed him directly in front of a mirror.

"You look like a dead man, Chief," Tuff told him. "I mean, look at you! Your face looks like the ghost of my Great Uncle Magmar – actually you look more like the _corpse_ of my Great Uncle Magmar – "

Hiccup had to admit he appeared rather gaunt. He looked like he wasn't eating enough and like he hadn't slept in days (both of which were completely true statements). As he stared at himself in the mirror, he felt a moment of amazement.

He looked like his father.

Serious, intense, sad, burdened. Regal. Intimidating. Like a _Viking._

Hiccup stared some more. He looked at his eyes, which had enormous black rings underneath them, weighing onto his cheeks. He stared and stared until suddenly the bright green orbs gazing back at him no longer looked like his own, and his heart pained sharply inside his chest.

Hiccup turned abruptly and walked determinedly away from the mirror, his fists clenched tightly at his sides. He chopped wood and sanded planks for the rest of the day.

On the fifth day of the week, Heather and Dagur appeared on the shores of New Berk. Seeing their old friends again had been like a breath of fresh air for the whole village. Heather and Dagur brought their Berserker energy to Berk that was duly needed. Somehow, their presence had broken through Hiccup's emotional guard, and he remembered that just because the dragons were gone, it did not mean he had lost everything. He still had the people. He still had his friends. He still had Astrid.

So he finally gave in and had a desperately needed talk with his betrothed. They both cried and held each other, and Hiccup released some of those horrible feelings inside of him. He realized that he was not completely alone, and he found comfort in his friends and family for the first time that week. For the first time since the dragons had left, Hiccup laughed.

Now, it was a week later, and Dagur and Heather had left Berk in a much better state than how the village was when they arrived. Hiccup still hurt, every single day. It was a pain that never really went away and probably never would. But he always managed to find something that would make him smile. His wife-to-be was a major reason for that. There was still a lot of work to do, and Hiccup had put together some plans for the new Chief's house – a house that Astrid would eventually be sharing.

So that's where Hiccup stood now for the first time, inside the new wood-plank structure, and looking around the partially-furnished rooms. There were several candles and torches lighting the house as day turned to dusk outside. It was not a lot to look at yet, but it was something. The beginnings of a new home.

"It's a nice place you have here," Astrid grinned, walking through the front door. She was carrying a box of his weapons and added it to the pile of his belongings that he was in the process of moving into the house. "Home sweet home."

"Thanks," Hiccup replied. It did not feel like home to him. Home was the house he grew up in with his father, with the large Chief's chair where only his father could sit. Home was where his room was, with two beds so he could share it with –

That place did not exist anymore. His _childhood_ did not exist anymore. It was gone and would not return.

Hiccup's emotions must have shown on his face, because Astrid wrapped her hand around his wrist. He turned to face her.

"It will get there," she assured him gently. "A fresh start, right?"

Hiccup nodded. "Right," he agreed. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and kissed the top of her head. "Its nothing like your place, though," he said.

Astrid and her parents had been among the first in the village to fully move in to their new house. It was a bit smaller than this house but was the homiest place on New Berk thus far. People in the village liked to spend time there when they weren't in the Great Hall or working on construction. Her parents often invited Hiccup and the rest of the gang to have dinner with them. It was a great excuse to spend time together.

"When you're fully moved in its going to be ten times better than my place," Astrid said, punching him playfully on the arm. "You're the Chief!"

She smiled brightly and reached into the box she had just carried in, pulling out the large axe that had always hung behind Stoick's chair. She walked over to the back wall and placed it on a nail so that it was presented the same way it had been in his old house. She turned around to look at him and put her hands on her hips.

"There," she announced, satisfied.

Hiccup smiled and walked over to where she stood in the center of the empty room. He wrapped his arms around her waist, gratefully pressing his forehead against hers. She smiled as well and rested her hands against his chest.

He closed his eyes and breathed in deeply.

_Gods_ he loved her. Hiccup's heart quickened as he took in her scent and her touch. Why did he feel like he was only just noticing now? Its not like he hadn't loved her before. But something had changed over the past couple of weeks, something greater than losing the dragons. It was like everything that he _hadn't_ lost had reached out and latched itself to her. It seemed like she was the only thing keeping him going now, after he felt like he had died. She gave him strength. She gave him something to live for. Something to fight for.

Hiccup opened his eyes, and for a moment he was surprised to see her radiant blue eyes staring back at him instead of a large pair of green ones. But for the first time in a while he didn't feel upset about that. He sighed quietly in relief before gently pressing his lips against hers.

The kiss was soft and sweet. Astrid pulled away sooner than Hiccup would have liked and took a step back. She gave him an odd look that he couldn't decipher.

"Come on," she said, her voice a little too high-pitched. "Let's finish moving you in."

Astrid began to walk away, but Hiccup quickly reached for her again, and pulled her so that her back was pressed against his chest. He wasn't done holding her yet. He wrapped his arms around her waist and she giggled in surprise, before she leaned into his embrace with a smile. He placed a soft kiss on her shoulder and then rested his chin against the top of her head. He closed his eyes again, breathing out a contented sigh, and she laced her fingers through his.

"I want to get married," he said softly, but decisively.

Astrid laughed lightly. "Hiccup, we're already betrothed. You don't have to propose again," she spun herself around his arm to face him. "And I've already said yes. What – "

When she saw his face, she stopped abruptly, and her smile shifted into an expression of surprise. Her eyes flickered nervously and she looked like she was frantically trying to come up with a reply.

Hiccup watched her with a deep, intense look. "What are we waiting for?" he asked slowly. His eyes searched hers for answers.

Astrid swallowed, but her face softened. "We… we weren't ready," she whispered, her voice shaking.

Hiccup nodded slowly. "What about now?" he murmured. "Are you ready now?"

Astrid's cheeks glowed in the candlelight and she looked back at him with equal intensity. "Are you?"

He carefully placed his hand against her face and his thumb lightly brushed against her soft skin. A small smile hinted at the corner of his lips, and he began nodding, growing more confident each time. "Yeah," he replied breathlessly.

Her eyes widened. She lifted her own hand and placed it against his, which still rested on her cheek. A smile gradually grew over her face until she was grinning from ear to ear. "If you're ready then I'm ready," she said.

Her reply sent a jolt of excitement through his body and into his heart. Hiccup suddenly let out a loud _whoop _and then lifted her off her feet, and Astrid gave a surprised yelped in response. Her arms gripped him around the neck as he swung her around and she laughed joyfully.

When he lowered her to the ground he was beaming. "Tomorrow," he told her. "I want to get married tomorrow."

Astrid laughed in amusement, but nodded. "Okay," she said. "I don't think the rest of the village is ready to have a wedding tomorrow, but you _are_ the Chief," she gave him a look.

"Fine," Hiccup said. "Day after tomorrow. But no more waiting," he insisted. "I'm done waiting."

Astrid put both hands on his cheeks and kissed him. "Okay," she agreed quietly after she pulled away from the kiss. "Perhaps I should start moving my things in here too, then," she smirked.

Hiccup pulled her into another embrace and kissed her temple. "Please do," he murmured against her skin.

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**Yes? No? Maybe? Good? Let me know in the reviews! Thanks for reading! And if you want to read more Hidden World related stuff, come check me out I have stuff!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: The kiss at the wedding – I call it the "help me" kiss. The "save me" kiss. The "please save my heart" kiss. That's the inspiration behind this one-shot. It's the mental shift that he has to make so that he can move on.**

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Astrid thought she had memorized every facial expression that Hiccup made.

She knew his thinking face, his determined face, his idea face. She knew his angry face, his panicking face, his hurting face, his desperate face, and (most commonly) his worried face. She knew his excited face, like when he would start talking about something geeky, and his happy face, like when he was surrounded by his friends. There was his embarrassed face, his skeptical face, and his sarcasm face; his dirty looks and his silly smiles. And she certainly knew the face he gave her when he told her he loved her. That one was her favorite.

But now she stood at the alter in her white gown, him in his white robes, and he was looking at her with an expression that she hadn't seen before.

That wasn't entirely true. She did feel like she recognized the expression, but she couldn't recall from where. And it was definitely a good one. Oh it was beautiful! It sent her stomach somersaulting and her heart fluttering like wings. It was kind of like his "I love you" expression, but… different, somehow. It was more than that, more intense – it was like…

He held out his hands to her and she smiled in excitement as she took them. Gothi began wrapping the cloth around their hands in bondage, and Astrid looked at his eyes.

_You are my life. You are my purpose. You are my world._

Astrid restrained a gasp. She did recognize that face. But it had never been aimed at her before.

His expression shifted into one of concern, and he asked her silently, _Are you okay?_

Astrid gave a small nod of reassurance, though she was feeling a bit flustered. She stood up taller.

She could do that. She could be that. She could be his world.

Astrid decided that this face was her new favorite. It made him look even more handsome, and even more like a man. Like a Viking. Like a Chief. Like a husband. _Her_ husband.

It was the face that told her that he was ready for this. For the future. For life. For her.

"To the Chieftain and Chieftess!"

He stepped towards her and they both leaned forward to kiss. He put his hand on her cheek as he took her lips in his.

There was so much emotion in the kiss that for a moment Astrid didn't know how to respond. It felt like he was pouring everything he had into that kiss, like it was the first and last one they'd ever have.

_Here is my heart_, he seemed to say. _Help me heal it. I love you, I need you… Will you be my everything?_

She placed a gentle hand on his chest, so that she could feel his beating heart. She pulled back from the kiss and looked into his intense, yet vulnerable eyes.

_Of course I will be your everything_, she replied with her eyes. _You have always been mine._

He let out a breath, and a brilliant smile spread over his face – a smile that for one moment reached his eyes. He looked relieved, and absolutely in love. She now held his broken heart in her hands, and he was trusting her to mend it.

Astrid realized that for Hiccup this wedding was more than just a celebration of their love. This was a moment of devotion for him. A shift to a new role and a new purpose. It was a decision to move on. And Astrid was now his anchor for that.

_You can trust me_, Astrid assured him, silently taking his hand again. They both faced towards the crowd of Vikings. Their people. Their village. Their new purpose.

Hiccup closed his eyes and gave her hand a squeeze. When he opened them again, the expression on his face was one of commitment. Devotion. The face of a boy who had turned into a man, a Dragon Rider who had turned into a Chief, and a newly-wed husband who was ready to move forward.

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**A/N: Can you tell that I am trying really _really_ hard to make this okay? I would like to get over the continuous pain in my gut every time I think about httyd3. If I keep writing, eventually I will be able to accept it. That's what I keep telling myself.**

**Please review! Let me know what you think!**


	3. Chapter 3

**FYI, I cried writing this one...**

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The frost-covered grass crunched as Hiccup walked outside, and the cold air made his ears numb. He could feel the warm breath against his face of his four-year-old son, who he carried in his arms. The boy was tightly bound in a warm coat, scarf, and hat. His six-year-old daughter skipped a couple of feet ahead of him, also bundled in her winter coat and boots.

Hiccup glanced up at the night sky, which was clear and filled with bright stars. The full moon was low in the sky, shining a soft white light across the hill.

"Alright," Hiccup said as they reached the edge of the cliff. "Here is good."

He put Nuffink down and laid out a blanket on the wet ground. Zephyr joined him on the blanket excitedly.

"When does it start?" Zeph asked eagerly, bouncing up and down on her knees.

"Any minute," Hiccup answered his daughter.

"Are we seeing fire?" Nuffink asked, settling into his father's lap.

"It's called Arvindal's Fire," Hiccup explained. "It's a very special occasion that only happens once every ten years. That means the next time it happens, you will both be teenagers," Hiccup grinned at his kids. They both looked at him wide-eyed, like teenage-hood was a foreign concept that they couldn't even imagine.

"And the sky is going to light up all pretty, right Daddy?" Zephyr asked.

"That's right, Zeph," Hiccup nodded.

"Daddy, Uncle Snotlout said the Frightmare is going to come," the six-year-old continued. "Daddy what is a Frightmare?"

Hiccup's eyes widened slightly, but then smiled. "_Flight_mare," he corrected. "It's a type of dragon. And you don't have to worry, it won't come."

Hiccup adjusted his son in his lap and looked up again, taking in the thousands of stars dotting the black sky. He inadvertently let out a sigh.

He heard footsteps crunching behind him, and he turned to see Astrid join them on the cliffside. Hiccup's heart warmed when he saw her. She smiled and handed him a steaming cup of cocoa.

"Thank you, mi'lady," he murmured, smiling back gratefully.

"Ooh Mama, can I have some?"

"Shh, yes," Astrid said quietly back, handing Zephyr a mug as well. "Careful, baby, it's hot."

"Yum!" Zephyr hummed, taking the drink with both hands. Astrid sat down with the rest of her family on the blanket.

Nuffink was curled up in Hiccup's lap, laying against his father's stomach so that he was looking up at the sky. "Stars!" the boy breathed in awe.

Hiccup smiled at his son and ran a loving hand over his forehead.

"Daddy, do you miss the sky?" Nuffink asked. It was an innocent question sparked by childish curiosity, but it still took Hiccup by surprise.

He had a flash of memory, of soaring gracefully through the night breeze, and his heart clenched.

"Yeah," he whispered back softly, his hand brushing through the boy's hair. "I do miss the sky, Fink. All the time."

"Will you tell me about it?"

Hiccup's hand paused over his son's head, and he wrapped his arm across the boy's small waist. "Well, it's – " he stopped, letting himself think about how to describe the world of his past. "It's very big," he began. "It feels bigger than the ground, you see, because there is space in all directions, not just side to side. There is just as much above you as there is below you, and you are free to move however you wish." He smiled wistfully. "And you _feel_ big, too, because you can see the whole world, all the way to the horizon."

Nuffink tilted his head back to look up at his father with his big, nearly identical green eyes.

Hiccup gave a small laugh and leaned down towards his son's ear. "Your mother fell in love with me in the sky," he whispered, loud enough so that Astrid could still hear. Nuffink giggled.

"Says who?" Astrid protested.

Hiccup looked up at his wife with a wide grin. "What, you don't remember that?"

"Definitely not," she smirked back.

"Your first flight ever!" Hiccup insisted. "Aw come on, really? That was the _best_!"

"I don't know what _you're_ remembering – "

"You were totally into me!"

"I was not!"

"Aww!" Hiccup groaned, still smiling. The vivid memory flooded over him – that yearning for belonging that had plagued him for so long, and that wonderful feeling of completeness that overcame him when she wrapped her arms around his waist and the clouds glowed yellow and he was finally at home because the freedom of the sky surrounded him and he had Astrid behind him and –

The smile fell slowly from his face, and he winced as a pain stabbed him in the chest.

Family. He'd had his family. Everyone he loved in one place. In the place he loved.

He looked up at the sky again, at the bright moon that had risen higher over the horizon.

_You thinking about me too?_ He wondered. _Are you looking at the moon right now too?_

He wanted to know so badly in that moment. He wanted him _here_. Right here, right now, sitting with them as they waited for Arvindal's Fire.

The back of Astrid's hand brushed against the side of his face, and he turned away from his thoughts to look at her. Her soft, loving blue eyes looked at him knowingly.

How did she always know?

The simple touch pulled him back to the present. Back to the cold winter night and the smell of warm cocoa, where his kids were cuddled on the blanket and the village lay across the hillside below them.

This was his family too.

Yes, this was his family. And he loved them very much. He had Astrid, and Zeph, and Fink. That was enough.

It was enough.

He took Astrid's hand just as the night sky began to dance with blue and purple lights.

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**Did you like it? I think I am finally starting to believe that he's really going to be okay. Took me forever, but I'm getting there. Astrid saved _me_ too.**

**Please tell me what you think in the reviews!**

**(Also, shameless plug, if you are liking this, come check me out! I have a whole bunch of Hidden World stuff because I've been writing non-stop since January!)**


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